I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
