Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
