Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
