All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
