Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
God, I missed his penis.
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