Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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