If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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