he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
