I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
