I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
