In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
