Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
