He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
This baby is an asshole
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
