Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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