he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I am available for nakedness
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
