I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
