I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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