So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
