I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
