Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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