I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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