Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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