It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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