I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
