Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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