You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
