I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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