We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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