you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
What drink are we having for lunch?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
