I think my vagina is haunted
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
