Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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