Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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