It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
