You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
