There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
