and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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