im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
it was like eating out sand paper
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
