I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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