I must be too annoying 4 u.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
