you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
