You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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