He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
