he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
