Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
