im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
