5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
