i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
