Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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