Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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