I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
