we're blogging at a bar
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
